Roofus's Hog Showdown

Roofus let loose Petunia in a drunken haze the night before and must return her to the bar. Without their mother, the piglets will starve, and Gutlaf the Bartender will take it out on Roofus's hide!


The sun shines bright through your window, and you awake from a deep slumber and stretch your arms slowly. Yawning and slowly rising from bed, you rub your eyes and think about a good bit of pork to warm your belly this afternoon. "A nice beer and pork loin will do just the trick," you think to yourself before you realize. Pork loin. Pork. Pig. Petunia. 

• Bolt out into the streets in search of Petunia.
  
• Head down to the bar.
  
• Go back to bed, it's just a dream.
  

"Petunia!!!!!" I stop and think for just a few moments. "Wait, now I know I ain't gone and done nothing like that. It's been at least 3 months since I done something that stupid."
I stand up from my bed and begin dressing myself hastily before I stop. "I must've been dreamin or somethin. There just ain't no way."
I shake my head as I make my way to the door, "man I gotta stop worrying so much. I've messed up a lot but I cain't keep thinkin I done it so much."
Feeling better about myself I proudly walk into the bar and see Gutlaf at the counter. I raise my hands, "Gutlaf! What have we got for breakfast this morning?"

"Rooooofffus!" 

The shout of brimstone and hellfire that can only be described as a woman wronged cries out from the kitchen. June bursts through the backdoor with a wet ladle drenched in the day's soup special. Before you can utter a word, June's assault is upon you.

"You let loose Petunia last night you drunken buffoon! If those piglets don't make it I swear to Cayden Cailean you'll never wet your lips here again!" Her shouting draws the attention of the few morning patrons (your good friends Henri the Bard, Enis, Freidrick, and Jasper). 

Gutlaf's stunned expression mirrors your own, which only draws more fury as June turns to the bartender for support.

• Uh. Uh. Well. I. Uh.
  
• Offer to help find Petunia.
  

I stop and close my eyes for a few seconds hoping I'll wake up from this nightmare when I open them. After a few moments June lets out another, "Roofus! You just gonna stand there lookin like an idiot? Can you do nothing right?!"

It was only at this point I knew I messed up... "Uhhh. June. I uhhh. I'm sorry for messin up again." I look down at the ground with a face of a defeated man. "I just aint no good for nothing."

I swing around towards the door making sure not to make eye contact with anyone. Everyone in the room probably had a look on their face like, "wow, look at that idiot. We should call him doofus instead of Roofus."

As I make my way to the door I say without lifting my head, "June I promise I won't come back without Petunia", and I head off.

With a quick stride you set out from the bar. As you pass by the stalls and shops nearby, you begin your search. 

"You seen Petunia?" You cry out, receiving only strange stares in return. You continue your quest, stopping by every store and stand on the busy street. When it seems all hope is lost, you hear a small voice call to you from nearby. "Are you looking for a fat pig?" You turn to find a small boy, tossing a small bag in the air as he stands near a dilapidated shack. 

"Know where she is?" you say stepping closer to the boy. The boy nods and smiles, pointing towards the small shack. 

"I'm what you'd call an ontra-pen-ewer," the boy begins, "I offer good folks a nice, clean, and aero-ma-tik environment to carry out their business. Just [he holds up three fingers prominently] gold pieces for the finest stool in the city. I know what happened to that pig, so I'll make you a deal: use my stool and tell your friends at the bar and I'll tell you what I know." 

• Pay the ontra-pen-ewer three gold.
  
• Search for Petunia elsewhere.
  
• Go to the bar.
  

As the day stretched on, Roofus searched far and wide for his long, lost Petunia. With blood, sweat, and tears he makes his way back to the bar defeated. His head hung low as he walked behind the building's exterior to the pen where Petunia and her piglets were kept. In the pen was only an empty trough, freshly cleaned. 

"They're already pork bellies in there," you say with a sniffle (and a growling stomach). Just as you turn to leave, a promise to June to not return, the sweet barmaid exits the kitchen's door to dump an empty barrel of mead outside. 

"Roofus, is that you in the dark by the pen?" she calls out. "You can come inside and have a pint if you want, I'm sorry for throwing you out earlier." With a smile, she tells you the Prince came by and bought Petunia and all her litter, paying top coin for each one. 

You pause and walk towards the kitchen door weary from a long day in the streets. That Prince fellar sure did right by you today. 

• Complete your adventure.
  
• Continue your adventure.